Still, Mark and I were talking by the fire this morning ... it's a good holiday thing to do ... and the conversation turned to ourselves years ago: groups we believed in, self-empowerment, and young people experiencing punch, energy, & the desire to express it. One young man Mark had heard of, a musician in Jefferson Airplane (the group that showcased Grace Slick) and a high flying leader in an international spiritual organization, had a run-in with the politics of the same. Other young leaders, who also had Ego, challenged this man, who took their censorship to heart and went on to make a fabulous mistake, putting their opinion of him before his own relationship with the universe. Maybe he was too young to have his own inner resources well enough established to fight making that error. Anyway, he committed suicide. There's something in the story about an important line between speaking Truth and falling to our own ego; I refer to the young, challenging leaders when I say it's so human to confuse ourselves with what we think we know, allowing the headiness of self-discovery to push out awareness of what, then, we got sick of hearing: "knowing our own 'place' in the big picture": "Be a lady," "Don't criticize your mother/father," "You don't know enough, yet," etc. ... I still like to see a young person saying what their truth is, meeting the inevitable resistance that real Truth always does. But how do you recognize when you are not right and your ego is talking? Some of these young men were up against feelings of competition, jealousy and __ what? the sureness of a good philosophy? The musician was (as probably were his 'competitors') in the damnable position of soul-searching what was right. It's like the day you get fired, or when you choose to walk out on a job because the alternative offered is completely intolerable; and for the first time you are facing what has a really large cost. The sting of that is where integrity gets a chance to be carved, painfully. No philosophical fireside discussion does the carving, either; the instruments are self-doubt, worry about looking like a fool, and searching for the place inside your self you can consult and trust, hoping there is also a nearby outside supporter, too. The story of the young musician's suicide reminds me how I have let other people monopolize my relationship with what's greater than them or me. The error seems ironically human; and it seems so deadly wrong. 'Human' because we certainly do care what others think; I do, anyway, though I would prefer not caring. And 'deadly wrong' because it elevates others above the intimacy of our own 'Being Connected'. What is that old poem? ... Desiderata: "... Be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. For this time of hibernation, rest and reflection, I want to keep this story close. I would hope it serves me the rest of the year to find courage for Truth, and keep loyal to it. I wish each of you the same. Wonderful winter to you. For several months now, I have been facilitating a women's group again. It's been some years ... It's getting to the point that the trust is there enough that people are starting to admit their true feelings/struggles. There's humor ... tears. It's a reluef to be there for me, in this realness created by people who are not interested in "fronting".
Good life! I am in my element and am remembering why I went into this field in the first place ... Dropping formalities is a much more warm, interesting way to be. I spent some time at the lake today. But, the peace of sitting here, near the open window with a breeze coming in, is precious. I thought "summer" (i.e. warm enough to enjoy an open window!) would never come. And though there are many serious things going on, economically & now (thanks to BP) environmentally, in this moment right now, those things are far away. There is only the beautiful tree, the still-light blue night sky, some cars passing on the I-5 and a breeze. I wish you just a silent moment of pure rest! This is your new blog post. Click here and start typing, or drag in elements from the top bar.
It's Easter / Spring / and, oddly, the biggest suicide time of the year .. statistically. Second? is Christmas / Chanukah! What a paradox.
I don't know about you. To me, that was a surprise. After all, the darkest time of year is coming to a close. Days are longer; weather is better ... than winter anyway. (Today, there's a windstorm!) Some would say all this describes depression? I don't think so. Today, I was thinking about the Pagan 'hatching egg', the Christian 'death-&-rebirth', and other symbols of leaving one form and entering another. An 'Unkown' other. Good metaphors. In this light, the stats made more sense.: change, and leaving what's familiar to us __ whether what's coming is better or worse, creates a mood. The fact is, the unfamiliar isn't what we are used to. On a feelings level, "different", "unfamiliar" or 'foreign' may not be what we want; and when we do, we generally llike to pick when! Parenthetically, I heard someone point out once that fear and excitement are the same body experience, chemically! And I'm thinking sadness might be the same chemically as coming out of hibernation when you aren't quite ready. Slow has been good; and then ... it's like when Mom used to say, "Get up, it's time for school," slow was even better. So to those of you who feel sad right now, or are just coming out of hibernation mode, know you are not unusual and not alone in it, for what comfort that is. Just waiting, you will find something else is stirring in you; and though we don't consciously pick the time, Life will be moving us forward all by itself. To me, that is a comfort. |
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