I do love the SNUGness of well-timed, succinct electronic communication. What a miraculous thing. It keeps us plugged in on a lonely day in Spring-gray Seattle. It's also why Obama's in the White House (ask Voter Action)!
At the same time, I hear about loneliness ... the kind that comes with quip-heavy, humorous, cool responses to one another, done without ever seeing a face (amusing sometimes / detached at others). Do we get that way of responding through better short & to-the-point electronic responses? Ooops. Maybe. So, once again, I am getting on my phone-people-and-set-dates horse, ready to re-immerse myself in a friend's smile (or tears) and bathe in that variety of humanity. The two work so well together. I just find the latter harder to pull off these days. Maybe it's just me? People are worried about the economy; I get that. And then there's that temptation to pull in, and do things solo (when tense, isolate & self nurture). But, as a smart acquaintance said today, even the Lone Ranger had Tonto. Here's to tending-to Tonto. It's Easter / Spring / and, oddly, the biggest suicide time of the year .. statistically. Second? is Christmas / Chanukah! What a paradox.
I don't know about you. To me, that was a surprise. After all, the darkest time of year is coming to a close. Days are longer; weather is better ... than winter anyway. (Today, there's a windstorm!) Some would say all this describes depression? I don't think so. Today, I was thinking about the Pagan 'hatching egg', the Christian 'death-&-rebirth', and other symbols of leaving one form and entering another. An 'Unkown' other. Good metaphors. In this light, the stats made more sense.: change, and leaving what's familiar to us __ whether what's coming is better or worse, creates a mood. The fact is, the unfamiliar isn't what we are used to. On a feelings level, "different", "unfamiliar" or 'foreign' may not be what we want; and when we do, we generally llike to pick when! Parenthetically, I heard someone point out once that fear and excitement are the same body experience, chemically! And I'm thinking sadness might be the same chemically as coming out of hibernation when you aren't quite ready. Slow has been good; and then ... it's like when Mom used to say, "Get up, it's time for school," slow was even better. So to those of you who feel sad right now, or are just coming out of hibernation mode, know you are not unusual and not alone in it, for what comfort that is. Just waiting, you will find something else is stirring in you; and though we don't consciously pick the time, Life will be moving us forward all by itself. To me, that is a comfort. "Fronting", I decided to let it go, that I didn't know how to do something that seems pretty basic to some colleagues of mine. I decided I could "figure it out" eventually. And, usually ... I can! NOT this time. So, I decided to put the breaks on, get a "for dummies" manual. and "eat" the fact that what I though would be simple isn't. Now, I find out not only am I Not-the-Only-One, but that my friends whom I assumed successfully self-discovered the skills I need, got help, too! Seems alright now. I am relieved. 'Don't feel anxious, though my impatience is still in place ... and? I think I'll go out and take in some sunshine. I was asked to be a guest speaker recently at a Coaches training event. Long story short, I had fun ... until the end, when I realized I'd said something that didn't appeal to the trainers. It was something about my not liking that insurance companies require DSM (diagnostic) labels for clients, and can supply these later to the owner of the records (i.e. the employer that pays the client's insurance bill). It's sort of a pathologizing effort; very medical-model. At any rate, I am suspicious and not a huge fan of that use of the DSM.
I think the coach trainers were thinking that this "not being a fan of pathology" when it comes to personal growth and development is a territory that only coaches occupy. Not really. Anyway, the atmosphere in the room got a bit chilly. Funny. The person who'd asked me there was thrilled by my views; but then, he wasn't seeing me as "the competition" ... which, maybe, the trainers were. Truth is, I think the best counseling is done by all brands of change agents: some of these are psychologists; some, marriage/family therapists; some MSWs; CD professionals; psychiatrists; and some, coaches. The professional label says no more about the change agent than the DSM label says about client. So ... I like that the world is a bit more complex than that! I have been adopted by a foster dog. Watching him go from cyclonic anxiety to sweetness is something that has hooked me. Unexpectedly so. He still is too strong for me; but his ability to follow voice command has made it do'able. And for now, I am surrendering ... What do you know about animal 'possession', meaning (I guess) being tamed ("Little Prince" style)?
I love this man and his book. He is eloquent about the inner world!
the language of feelings ... and a new book by David is "Finding Your Strength in Difficult Times A friend just left who looked at me and said, "I feel sometimes like I am not
really needed." This person is witty, bright, and fun ... a people magnet. Sharp beyond belief in his field, he is looked to for wisdom and resource. So I was surprised. Shocked, actually, by the sentiment; it took a moment! Then, I came out with: "I would be totally sad if I thought you weren't in my life anymore." He knows this intellectually; so I had to tell him again. He did, I think, 'get it'. After he left, I wondered why I don't tell people this stuff more often. Schmaltzy, corny, sentimental ... is cool! Interesting how, when your partner or friend is listening to you, that when they are bodily touching you (hand on yours, or around your shoulder) more comes out than you'd planned on. Such a small gesture; and such BIG results.
As I was saying ... I've been missing the inclusive support I get when I am in a group of women. The laughter, even in the face of challenges.
So, in the spring (March 25th), I have 3 other interested women who will come for a bi- or monthly group here. It takes a while for the members to get to know each other, but after a couple of months I would bet we will feel the extra support we need for 'living Large'. I look forward to it. |
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